13 Mayıs 2014 Salı

Journal Entry 4



Finally today I’ve gotten a letter from my brother.
Brother,
I’m sorry for taking such a long time to write a response to your previous letter, but things have been very difficult here for the past few days. There has been an excess of rain, everywhere is flooded including our rice fields.  I’m not writing this for your pity, nor because we need any help, the money you send monthly is more than enough, but I thought I shouldn’t keep you in the dark about everything that’s going on here.  I’ve just gotten married, with Ai, I hope you don’t mind. I doubt you even care to be honest.  I’m not writing this letter to open any new wounds, nor am I writing it to make you angry, all I’m doing is reporting what has happened back at home. Nguy has just had another baby, but we fear for her health because she has just fallen sick. All everyone here is asking is how you are doing, what’s it like in Russia? Are the beds soft enough for your taste?
Gu
It’s been years since my brother and I have been fighting, I can barely understand why we continue. It all happened after our father’s death, when it was our job as the two eldest to separate everything among our 8 siblings. He claimed he deserved more because he was closer to my father, that that’s the way father would have wanted it. I did not see that as a justifiable reason to take away goods from our younger siblings, most of who were under the age of 10. Of course he would have been closer to father, he was the second eldest, and he did have the most time to spend with him. Every since father got sick, it was him who looked after him with my sister, and I who worked. If I was to claim that I deserved more because I worked more it would have made more sense, but I would never do such a thing. We fought and argued, and finally, he was forced to give, I, after all was the eldest and thus had the right to give whatever decisions I wished. He then saw it fitting to get a group of his friends to beat me while I was walking down the street back home. I did not return home that night, from fear that my mother would cry if she were to see what had happened to my face, and what she would do if she knew that it was my brother who did it to me. If only it had ended there, here I see that he knows no limits. Ai was my girlfriend before I left, we told each other that we would get married with other people, that it was impossible for us to be together, but I never thought  that she would be willing to marry my own brother. I know the only reason he’s married her is because he found her beautiful and she used to be mine, when we were together he would constantly say that she was just a stupid cow. I don’t understand him, where all of this hatred comes from; I would like to imagine that it’s the money that has poisoned him, that he wasn’t always like that, but sometimes it’s hard to believe. All I hope for now is that everyone is alright back home, because Gu is the only one who can read and write, I am forced to learn everything through him, but it’s better than nothing.
There is still no news from Chinh and his plan. We did get a small shipment today that we are in the process of selling, but other than that we are hoping his plan follows through. I’m beginning to doubt him more and more every passing day. I know he cannot be trusted, but if this works it’s more in his benefit than ours, so I don’t think he’s deceiving us.
I don’t even know anymore.

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