"It's impossible to get lost anymore. "
The words kept echoing in his mind.
"It's impossible to get lost anymore."
Sitting among hundreds of trees in a park, Arlow let the words sink in. He felt lost, felt. He felt as if he was in a different world, one where everything was controlled by the rustling of leaves and the chirping of birds, but he knew that if he walked straight along the rubble path he would find himself on the same street he walked everyday while going to work. Arlow had felt lost all his life, but never in his life had he ever gotten lost in the full sense of the word. Never had he found himself in a truly unknown state of being and mind, in a location from which he did not know the way back. A few days earlier a homeless man had sat next to him on the bus, and he wouldn't stop repeating the same 6 words,
"It's impossible to get lost anymore."
Arlow had once read an article about a man who had been left to die in a forest as an infant, but had then been raised by wolves. When he was finally brought into society, forced to conform to the status quo and thrown into the bustling concrete forests, was he able to find himself among the trees? No, probably not. What about now? Is there any group of people who haven't been shoved face first into the corrupt de-humanizing western society?
Arlow had read a novel about a man who falls hopelessly in love with a woman. The author wrote that the man was blinded with passion, so much so that he forgot who he was. After reading this Arlow tried desperately to fall in love in order to understand how the main character felt. He realized that wanting to fall in love is not enough to fall in love, just as he realized that day that wanting to get lost is not enough to get lost.
His hands were sweaty on the steering wheel as he slowly drove out of his garage onto the all to familiar street he had been living on since he graduated from college. Trying not to look back at the vomit green condo where his girlfriend was still sound asleep, Arlow passed by Mrs. White's house, Mr, Green's house, one by one all of the houses inhabited by people he had never liked and never met. He has left a note for Suzanne on the coffee room table, its content being a half-hearted apology for leaving and the next months rent as a "consolation gift." He knew from the all to frequent questions she never got bored of asking like, "Where is this relationship going?" and "Why don't you buy me flowers anymore?" that she wouldn't really mind his absence. There was no traffic on that Monday, the weather itself wasn't all that bad either. Fog, with a faint drizzle, so poetic. Arlow accidentally ran over a squirrel on the way and questioned his decision to leave while staring at its mutilated tiny corpse. What if he never came back ? What if he died on the way? And most importantly, what if nobody noticed? He was not raised by wolves, nor did he ever do anything important in his life. If Arlow was to fall of the face of the earth, would anyone care? It had been years since he had sent his parents anything other than Christmas cards, they would just think that he was busy. Did he have any friends? No, not really. There were people that he spent time with, people who knew that he existed, but non that really bothered to check if he was alive or dead. Maybe it was better this way, at least no one would get sad or try to stop him.
Maybe all he wanted was to get stopped, someone to tell him everything would be ok.
Arlow shook off the idea and began taking random turns in the road, yet always going back onto the same highway, as though he had some inner GPS.
"It's impossible to get lost anymore"
He tried not to notice the giant signs pointing to the routes of different cities, but he couldn't help it. By now he was sweating all over and felt like puking.
Arlow is walking through an abandoned street. Next to him is a fountain made up of little cubes from with electric blue water is spurting out. On his other side is a small park filled with huge chestnut trees. Suddenly, a woman appears in front of him, holding five small pugs on a leash: she is scolding them. From a little door on the side of the fence encircling the park two stray dogs walk out. They glance at Arlow with eyes that knew much more than he thought they did, and then totter off. This must be a dog park. Arlow glances through the small opening and sees that it has stairs that lead down. He starts going down, and begins to notice that the handle rail is littered with crows, each pitch black and staring at him intently. The crows fly up and begin encircling his head as the wind picks up. The park is run-down, and practically empty save a young girl with a pink headscarf sitting on the swing. A murder flies above him and settles down around the woman on the swing. He hears children laughing and turns around to see two young boys twirling around a pair of mating dogs, The rythme of the crows screaches becomes faster as the dogs become more in-synch and the wind picks up.
Arlow wakes up. His car is parked on the side of the road. Everywhere is pitch black. He must have stopped the car and fallen asleep. Still shook up by his dream, he gets out of the car and begins walking twords the forest bordering the road; he needs to take a piss. A car speeds up behing, illuminating everything for half a second, it's an oak forest.
Crunch, Snap, Crack.
Arlow blindly walks through the trees, occasionally tripping over rocks and roots. He's still thinking about his dream as he pulls down his fly and begins to relieve himself. What did it all mean? He hasn't remembered a dream since .... since... he can't even remember when. He turns around to walk back, but finds himself in the same place he was before. It's pitch black, he tries again, same thing. A crow screeches behind him.
"It's impossible to get lost anymore."
