Four Sentences Summarizing Book Four

This book tells the sad story of the love between Dido and Aeneas;a love that was created by Juno in order to prevent Aneas from going to Italy. When Jupiter learns about this relationship, he sends Murcery to Aeneas in order to  tell him he must pursue his destiny; Aeneas immediately gets ready to leave. When Dido hears about this she is heartbroken, and confronts Aeneas who does not budge, although he does pity her. Dido, completely sick with love, passion, and the humiliation of being abandoned, commits suicide with a knife to the chest, but not without cursing Aeneas and his journey.

Reflection of Paradise of the Blind

           I thought that the book Paradise of the Blind was interesting, not only because of actual topic of the novel, but because of the way the author was able to convey the characters feelings without actually writing them word for word. It told the story of a girl, Hang, and her relationship with everyone around her and how it is affected by the Vietnamese revolution, or the "Paradise of the Blind". Through the activites we did in class, like the presentations on Vietnamese history and the journal entries we had to write on a character of our choice, I was able to better understand the dynamics between everyone in the story. To such an extent that I could point them out on the street if I were to see them.
           The journal writing activity is the one that affected me the most, because I really made a connection with the character I had chosen, the Bohemian. The Bohemian was a man who helped Hang when she went to visit her uncle Chinh ,and helped her realize that her uncle only called her to use her. The Bohemian was in no ways a major character in the story, but he was the only one who showed any sort of affection to Hang that wasn't familial or completely friendly, he was attracted to her. Using the very small details that we are given about his personality and life, I created a man who was deeply depressed and disgusted with everything around him, and who finally finds himself in his love for Hang. The emotions that I put into his mouth reflected the sort of things I also feel on a daily basis, so it was as though I was putting a piece of myself into my character. Even now, I can feel an emotional bond with him,  and Hang that was not there before the activity.
             Listening to everyone's presentations about Vietnamese history gave a good backdrop to the story. Before, when I had just finished reading the book, I knew quite a bit about certain points like the Communist Manifesto and the Cultural Revolution, but seeing them all together and tied together with the novel through the presentations was a totally new experience. I was able to understand to what extent communism was distorted in Vietnam, turning it into something that was against the people instead of for.
              The language with which Duong Thu Huong writes her novel, "Paradise of the Blind" is one that describes everything without using words. The sentences that she forms are in no ways complex or wordy, and yet they convey the atmosphere of Vietnam during that period perfectly, hard and yet soft. Hard in that they people have seen so much hardship in such a short amount of time, they have become calloused. They are no longer as warm and welcome as they used to be because they have seen the pain of a misunderstood system and do not want to make a false move, save they may be punished. Yet, they are still soft in that their environment is still the same, they are still on the lush, green and colorful land of Vietnam. No matter how much pain is inflicted, there are still the strong bonds that hold a family together, there is still a search for love, and life continues.
              If ,"Paradise of the Blind", had not been a part of our curriculum I doubt I would have read it, or even heard about it, which is why this whole experience has been so valuable to me. Most of the time I feel as though many of the things I learn in school I could easily learn myself, but not this time. Even if I had read it on my own, I would not have been able to write journal articles or listen to my classmates presentations about the book, which really helped me better appreciate it.
          

Book Four of Virgil's Aeneid

I believe these presentations about the Aeneid would have been much more effective if they were not oral, but instead, everyone writing their summaries and epic similes and then putting them all together into a packet and passing them out. Personally, I hate oral presentations, I get exited while presenting and then end up forgetting what I wanted to say. Listening to other peoples oral presentations, especially about the Aeneid is a drag because I can’t follow all of the God’s and everything that happens between them by ear, thus I’ve forgotten practically everything anyone has told me before my book and afterwards. This is only my honest opinion, not that it has much power over what actually will end up happening in the future, but it may help in understanding my feelings about this project. 

The Book IV of the Aeneid, describes the relationship between Dido and Aeneas. In the beginning of the book, Dido has fallen in love with Aeneas thanks to Cupid’s bow, but does not know exactly what to do. She feels as though, by loving Aeneas, she is betraying her dead husband, Sychaeus, to whom she swore she would never marry again. Dido consults with her sister, Anna, who tells her that being together with Aeneas would improve the strength of Carthage. She also tell her that would not be betraying her husband because he is already dead. Dido completely sick with love agrees with her sister. Juno sees what sort of state love has put Dido in and pities her, so she consults with Venus in making a plan to get Dido and Aeneas together. Venus accepts but also knows the only reason why Juno would want to do this is to prevent Aeneas from going to Italy and fulfilling his destiny. Juno makes it so that there is a storm while they are all hunting, and she makes sure that Aeneas and Dido go into the same cave for shelter. Here, they make love and continue to be lovers once the storm is over, but rumors begin to spread that Dido is neglecting Carthage because of her love for Aeneas. Jupiter hears about the relationship between Dido and Aeneas and fears that Aeneas will not be able to fulfill his destiny so sends Mercury to remind him of what he must do. Aeneas decides to leave, but does not know how to tell Dido. She realizes herself that he is planning to go and blames him for ruining her reputation, but Aeneas does not budge, he is decisive in his decision to leave although he does pity her.

Dido is so angry and sick with love prays that a storm will thwart Aeneas’s trip to Italy, while also deciding to commit suicide. Mercury comes back to Aeneas to tell him to get going as fast as possible fi he wants to make it to Italy alive, and so Aeneas leaves before morning.  When Dido wakes up she sees their boats going and decides that the time has come to end her life. She tells her sister to make a fire and to throw in all of Aeneas’s belongings, claiming that she must do this in order to forget him. While her sister is gone, Dido stabs herself. When her sister finds her, Dido has still not died and tries to get up three times, but all three times falls back down in pain, and Juno pities her so she sends Iris to free her body and also take a lock of her hair.

The story described in Book IV reminds me of a vase filled with blood and white chrysanthemums in front of a black background. This is because it is both a very beautiful description of love, hence the white chrysanthemums, but also of grief and death, thus the blood in the vase in the place of water. I would love to make a video describing everything that happens in this book only using the blooming of flowers, blood, darkness and the wind. The flowers would bloom, white and pure, and then shrivel, becoming red and bloody, and then be blown out into the wind and land in a dark frothing ocean where they would be swallowed up by the waves. As music in the background I think I would put Fikret Kizilok and Bulent Ortacgil’s song Katerina, even though the lyrics do not describe exactly what is going on in this book I feel as though the rhythm and sound would compliment it perfectly. If I had a good hold on how to use a computer and animate my drawings I would attempt this, but unfortunately I do not have the sufficient software.

I am completely aware that I should have written this earlier and come with it printed out in order to not fall victim to my nervous and exited nature, but I didn’t think about it. I thought that I had a hold of the situation and that I would be able to confidently explain everything from the top of my head because I had read it only a week earlier, but I was wrong. Maybe if I had stayed in my seat it would not have been so bad, but it’s to late now, and I hope that this written document is sufficient proof that I actually know what I was supposed present.

Epic Similes :

p.85 , lines 90-97 “ Across the city…. Clinging to her side.”

p.88, lines 191-202 “Just as Apollo…. Face”.

p. 93, lines 402-408 “Her mind is helpless… clamor.”

p.98, lines 607-619 “As when, among the Alps…. Useless.”

p. 99, lines 641-653 “And in her dreams… squat.”              

                My Favorite Passage:

The passage about Rumour that is on page 89 between the lines 229 and 261.

Journal Entry 11

I can feel the loneliness. This feeling that I have been dreading since Hang has gone is finally setting in. I have lost my window to the world but I should have know, it is my fate. It is my fate to forever be a coward, to forever be a man who cannot stand up for a dying man, who cannot tell the woman he loves how he feels. Sometimes, when I voice my loneliness to any of my friends they tell me I have nothing to complain about, at least I am handsome. At least I am handsome. What use do my physical qualities have to me if I am still miserable, if I still cannot be with the woman that I want? Being with an average Russian woman is alright for a night, but in the long term, and even the short term, it does me no good. After sharing anything with those low women who will do anything with an attractive man, I feel like I have used them, I always feel as though I owe them some sort of love, because no one deserves to be used and then left like that. Yet, they have no problem with it, and I am the only one who is sad because of it. So tell me, friend, what use is being handsome? If I could give you my looks, I would in a second. I would much prefer looking mundane and ugly, just like my insides,  that way no one will approach me with impossible expectations.  That way I will let no one down.

Today I didn’t get out of bed the whole entire day. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling and wondering what is to become of me. Chinh came by at one point in the morning to wake me up, but I told him I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to tell him so much more than that, I wanted to blame him for my misery, I wanted to ask him why he would use his own niece to do his dirty work, why he called her here.  Had Chinh never called Hang, I would still be my cold heartless self, instead of what I am now. Instead of what I am now… What am I ?

Is it possible to say that I am no longer cold? That I can now feel because I am broken hearted? Yes, I believe so.  This pain I’m feeling, I realize now as I lie half naked in my bed, is sweet. It is a pain that burns my skin like fire, and yet tastes like honey on my tongue. Affection, lust, and emotion, these are all both gifts from the heavens and the hells.

My only choice is to savor it as long as it lasts, or as long as I last.

Journal Entry 10

I feel strange. I feel as though Hang has not left yet, and if I was to go to Chinh’s during the day, and look at the bed she was sleeping in, I would still see the outline of her tiny body. The fact that she has left has not yet hit me completely, which must be the reason why I am in such a daze. It must be because I have not felt so strongly about anything for such a long time; it is taking my body time to adjust to the fact that I am once again alone. Sometimes, when I think about yesterday, I wish I had said more. I wish I hadn’t stayed so casual, I mean there was practically no chance of us seeing each other again, so why not tell her how I feel. Maybe it could have opened new doors, maybe she would have decided to stay, or come again, or ask me to come with her. Again, I’m getting stuck on the maybes. Yet, it’s impossible not to get stuck on the maybes, not to think about the things that could have happened if everything had played out differently.

What if I had told her my feelings? Most probably, she doesn’t see me the way I see her, so  she would have rejected me. Would I be in a worse situation that I’m in now? Is it better to know that our relationship is impossible than to constantly fantasize about things that could have been? I don’t know, but it feels good to be thinking of something other than my life, better to think imaginary dreams that be faced with harsh realities.

Ever since I met Hang, I haven’t been thinking about the man I saw die, nor have I been thinking about my family back home. Not that the shame has receded in any way, not that I can yet forgive myself for everything I’ve done, but it’s nice to think about other things. To have ones mind automatically go to pleasant places instead of falling into an abyss of sadness is different; it breaks the monotony of life.   

Today, all I did was walk to the rose garden and contemplate the flowers. How beautiful nature is when one is in love. The folds of the roses, so intricate in design, left me breathless, breathless and longing for Hang. How I long to hold her slight body in my arms, to feel the lightness of her bones, the warmth radiating from her skin, to take a deep breath and never let go. I’ve been with other women before, I’ve held them, smelled them and told them that I loved them, but I realize now that all that was nothing. This longing for someone who I’ve only shaken hands with is different; it fills my very being and makes me feel as though my heart may explode any minute.

Thinking so about one thing has made me sleepy. I fall asleep praying that when I wake she might be next to me.

Journal Entry 9

I’m completely aware of the fact that Hang does not harbor the same feelings for me that I have for her. I also know that she wouldn’t stay here with me even if I asked, that even if there was something there she wouldn’t follow it because of the responsibilities she has for her family back home. I know all of this, and I knew all of this even from the first day that we met, but a man can’t help himself. I can’t help the fact that I’m human, and to be honest, I’m savoring this pain that is in my heart. I’m enjoying every minute of feeling, every time I think of her it’s as if someone is squeezing my heart, so hard that hot boiling blood gushed out and spreads all through my body. It’s painful, so painful, and yet so perfect. It’s nothing like anything I’ve ever felt before, and yet I know that it will be short lived. She won’t stay and I probably won’t ever see her again. If I do ever end up getting married because of necessity or tradition, not because of love, I know that her image will stay imprinted in my mind as the symbol of everything I couldn’t have, everything that has slipped through my fingers until that point.

This morning Hang woke up by herself and I offered a ride to the train station, she accepted happily, I’m guessing she was thankful Chinh wasn’t going to be dropping her off.  I could tell that she was uncomfortable during the car ride there, as if she had never been alone with a man before. We didn’t talk the whole way, every time I glanced at her she was looking out the window. When we finally arrived, I bought her a train ticket and something to eat, and even got a pass so I could be with her until the very last minute. Again, I repeat, I know that I have no chance, but the least I could do was be a gentleman to her so that she wouldn’t forget me. Maybe one day we would see each other again and have more time to get to know each other. Maybe.. Maybe.. Maybe, the world is so full of possibilities. Before she got on the train she shook my hand and thanked me for everything, her hand was so gentle and small, it was difficult for me to let it go. Just the mere touching of our hands had made a shudder go down my back. She asked me about how I started working with Chinh and told me that everything had gone just as I had told her it would. I told her that I knew many people I knew here, that they all have the same tricks up there sleeve and all come from the same broken past of unfulfilled dreams. The train came, I shook her hand again, savoring every second of it, and hoisted her bag onto the platform.

My eyes watered as the train started off, and I had to wipe away a tear once it was lost on the horizon.

Journal Entry 8

This morning I woke up early and walked to the park that was by my house. I laid down in the grass, spread my arms out, and watched the sun slowly melt into the sky and illuminate the trees. I watched it seep in through the leaves and create a green twilight, framing the young women walking their baby carriages and the men hurrying off to work. I turned my head sideways and watched the ants desperately try to climb and conquer the grass, wondering what I looked like from their perspective. It gave me time to think, laying there and soaking in the calmness of the morning. I thought again about my mother, how she would feel if she saw me happy and in love, lying on the floor. She would be happy, so happy to see that my fire has not completely been burned out, that I’m really human under everything. And what about Gu, what would he do? Would he spit on me? Or would he see me, so calm and content, and be jealous, so jealous that he forget all of his spite and lays next to me? I wish, I wish everyone could lay down next to me, my brother, my mother, and Hang, I wish they could share this peacefulness that I’m feeling right now.

Under the pretext that I forgot something, I went back to Chinh’s during the day, which is something I never do, just to see whether Hang was awake. When I went there, she was sound asleep. I asked Chinh whether she woke up at any time and he told me that he tried to wake her up an hour ago but she shooed him away. I could imagine it completely, Hang waking up irritated by Chinh’s voice, telling him to leave her alone, Chinh, looking at her with a sideways glance and then going back to whatever he was doing. “I’ll try to wake her up in a few minutes again, she has to eat something,” he then said. I told him he shouldn’t even think about, the girl needs some sleep and he had no right to deprive her of it. Anyways, the only reason why she came here was to do your dirty duty, we all know that. He looked at my surprised and said that he wouldn’t be using her for his plan, he said he had never even thought of it. He told me that he’s been saving up some money for this, and that he’s going to hire someone to do it for him. He said that he had sent for Hang when he was sick, but that she was only able to come once he got better. What a liar, what a dirty of liar, lying and spitting right in my face. Of course he saved up money, of course, who wouldn’t believe it? I mean, he is a high ranking communist official, and we all know that they respect the law, do not believe in using people. They are the representatives of moral good in our society, how could I forget! I left, there and then, or else I wouldn’t be able to hold myself from pointing out that he was lying to me, without even faltering one bit. Maybe if I had fished around, asked him a few questions about how long he’s been accumulating the money, which money he’s been accumulating and the exact reason why he’s never told us about this hidden treasure before he might have faltered, but I couldn’t be bothered. I was already thoroughly disgusted and could not handle any more Chinh.  

When I came back for dinner Hang was still asleep. Chinh had made us fried noodles. He looked very satisfied with himself the whole time.